Physical Response

Zipper 2 - wm

It’s that feeling of free falling than getting slammed back into reality

So I have noticed something about myself lately. I am hyper-aware of what I do and say. Comes with the anxiety, I guess that might just be me. Anyway. When I am put into a situation that I know I will be able to handle or everything will be okay. The logical part of my brain knows this but the anxiety part doesn’t, so instead of trying to talk how everything that possibly could go wrong it does this neat little trick where it gets my body to react.

For example first day of school. I am in college and I knew all the people who were going to be in my classes because it is a small program. Yet I still wanted to throw up and my hands were sweaty. There was that huge weight on my chest that threatened to restrict my breathing. I was on edge the whole day which was not good because it is draining doing that. Hiding how anxious you are or trying not to show the symptoms of being anxious. It is frustrating to talk to anyone about it because I have been on the same track how many times, I know everything is going to turn out okay or I will be able to handle whatever happens. But apparently, my body didn’t get the memo.

The reality test. 

WTP - Flowers

The reality test its a way of reasoning with yourself and calm your self down. My therapist taught it to me and my mom so she could help me with it when I was too worked up. Well, it works for me.

All you have to do is ask yourself one question

“What is the reality of the situation?” We will use the example of the party to make it easy. I am always anxious to go hang out with my friends. No real reason why I am anxious I just am.

“I know these people. They enjoy my company and I have hung out with them before. I am a likable person.”

It is simple and it doesn’t work all the time. The reality test is about timing. When you feel anxious but not to far gone that you might talk yourself into a panic attack. I have done that before too.

Love Life… Ugh

Sorry for the late post I was writing exams.Version 2

See I am an awkward person by nature. It takes me a while before I can be open around some. Or just my goofy self really. I see this being a problem when it comes to dating. I mean I might really like this person and if I can’t even look them in the eye. I don’t see the relationship going far. (no pun intended) But I think there is someone out there for everyone. And hopefully, there is someone out there who will be able to out wait my awkwardness and see the real me. I guess we will have to see. Yet in the same breath, I am happy being single right now. I do not need a boyfriend to be happy I can make my own happiness and I have other people in my life that I enjoy being around. I am working on a career and future that I can be proud and happy with.

There is so much pressure on people finding a SO and I have always felt like I am failing someone by not having a boyfriend. When I think about it right now when the logical part of my brain is in control. I am not failing anyone. I have friends who enjoy me and a family who supports me.

I am working on myself, by myself, for myself.

E.L.