Everything is great. Everything is going so well. On the outside yes. Inside… not so much. People always tell me how great I am doing and how I am so bubbly. I smile, nod, I might even throw in a laugh or sarcastic comment. Who knows! But little do they know on the inside I have thought of 27 things wrong with me and the number keeps rising. They don’t know I spent a whole half hour trying to get out of bed. No one sees the dark circles because you spent so long covering them up.
Everyone is excited about the new chapter of their life. You are too, but anxiety is having a hay day on this whole adult thing. There are seven million things that could go wrong. Then you think you have solved one and then anxiety shows you 8 other way of looking at it, that don’t make sense to logic but you end up playing along.
I am a big advocate for talking about mental health and ending the stigma. I talk about it when people ask me but I don’t go seeking them out. They seem to find me. Just different people from some of my best friends to people I have just met. They all seem to just spill everything that is on their mind out to me. Which I am completely okay with and think it is good to have someone to talk to about everything. Even if you aren’t looking for a solution. Yet where is the line where I have to take a step back and be like ‘whoa okay. I need to take a second’. Where do I maybe to say that I can’t be that person anymore because I need to look after myself and my mental health too. I want to help people but when I am barely keeping my head above water and then I take on this? It’s like adding weights to my ankles. I know I shouldn’t be taking it on but I just feel everything.
I just don’t know where to draw the line.
I don’t know when to say that I can only handle so much.