It’s that feeling of free falling than getting slammed back into reality
So I have noticed something about myself lately. I am hyper-aware of what I do and say. Comes with the anxiety, I guess that might just be me. Anyway. When I am put into a situation that I know I will be able to handle or everything will be okay. The logical part of my brain knows this but the anxiety part doesn’t, so instead of trying to talk how everything that possibly could go wrong it does this neat little trick where it gets my body to react.
For example first day of school. I am in college and I knew all the people who were going to be in my classes because it is a small program. Yet I still wanted to throw up and my hands were sweaty. There was that huge weight on my chest that threatened to restrict my breathing. I was on edge the whole day which was not good because it is draining doing that. Hiding how anxious you are or trying not to show the symptoms of being anxious. It is frustrating to talk to anyone about it because I have been on the same track how many times, I know everything is going to turn out okay or I will be able to handle whatever happens. But apparently, my body didn’t get the memo.
No one talks about high functioning anxiety much. I want to talk about it because no one seems to grasp the concept of it. High functioning anxiety is a person who has anxiety and keeps living their everyday life. We do things that are odd to people who do not deal with anxiety. I know that I will check my bag or purse like at least five different times before I leave the house. (I have to commute to my school so I don’t want to forget something.) But I have been doing this since I was a kid and never thought it was odd until it was pointed out to me. The second one was that I get super anxious when talking in class. My heart should not race like I just sprinted 100m when I answer a question…. Right? I thought that was normal until I brought it up to my mom.
These are just a few things that I have noticed about myself. High function anxiety sucks. A lot. I get up to go to school/work and have to keep pushing. Even if I want to just curl up and not deal with the outside world. There is another thing about it that really sucks. Everyone assumes that you are fine because you are up and about doing things that everyone else is doing. But on the inside, my anxious brain and logical brain are in a huge wrestling match. But there is no crowd and no one seems to ask you.
The reality test its a way of reasoning with yourself and calm your self down. My therapist taught it to me and my mom so she could help me with it when I was too worked up. Well, it works for me.
All you have to do is ask yourself one question
“What is the reality of the situation?” We will use the example of the party to make it easy. I am always anxious to go hang out with my friends. No real reason why I am anxious I just am.
“I know these people. They enjoy my company and I have hung out with them before. I am a likable person.”
It is simple and it doesn’t work all the time. The reality test is about timing. When you feel anxious but not to far gone that you might talk yourself into a panic attack. I have done that before too.