Sorry for the late post I was writing exams.
See I am an awkward person by nature. It takes me a while before I can be open around some. Or just my goofy self really. I see this being a problem when it comes to dating. I mean I might really like this person and if I can’t even look them in the eye. I don’t see the relationship going far. (no pun intended) But I think there is someone out there for everyone. And hopefully, there is someone out there who will be able to out wait my awkwardness and see the real me. I guess we will have to see. Yet in the same breath, I am happy being single right now. I do not need a boyfriend to be happy I can make my own happiness and I have other people in my life that I enjoy being around. I am working on a career and future that I can be proud and happy with.
There is so much pressure on people finding a SO and I have always felt like I am failing someone by not having a boyfriend. When I think about it right now when the logical part of my brain is in control. I am not failing anyone. I have friends who enjoy me and a family who supports me.
I am working on myself, by myself, for myself.
I once had to call my best friend from outside a coffee shop before I went in because I was going to stand the guy up and text saying came up. Really Classy right? But here is the thing, with anxiety and throw some depression into an already awkward person, you do not get a good combination. Low self-esteem, not a good conversationalist and I can’t sit still. So with this one situation, I was having a full-on panic attack for multiple reasons, which I think are all logical reasons to have a panic attack about meeting another human being to have coffee. (lol the probably not)
1 I meet this guy on a dating app,
2 automatically gives me a 50/50 shot that this guy is a creep.
3 I don’t know what he looks like.
4, We could have nothing to talk about,
5 I could spill my drink all over him or me or a complete stranger cause I am clumsy.
6 He will think I am Ugly.
The list goes on. But she was like okay I get that ( mind you, she has anxiety to so she gets where my mind goes) But you are never going to go anywhere if you listen to your anxiety all the time. And she gave me all the actual logical reasons
Okay the one thing that seems to constantly confuse me is dating. Today’s dating should be easy for an introvert like me right? It’s all dating apps! No need for awkward conversation that makes you want to run and hide. It is up until you have to meet the person. Or they want your Snapchat. So many things happen at once when those six words pop up on the screen. “when do you want to meet?” Knee jerk reaction is to say never and move on with your life. But then the logical side of my brain says that we have to give this a chance or we will never find a guy or go on a date. (No that doesn’t matter but it’s nice to be liked by someone. You know?) The anxiety-filled part of your brain says to say that you don’t want to date. But that’s silly cause you arena a dating app for a reason right? to get dates. So that excuse doesn’t work. But this guy seems nice not pushy and into the same thing you are, so why not, right? Live life to the fullest and all that jazz. But once you guys set up a time to meet the nerve set in. And I should say that nerves for me are like normal nerves on crack and speed all at once. But I go and have a good time or a bad time and eight times out of ten I won’t talk to the guy again. BUT the nerves get to me. Then once the date is over I feel accomplished. I faced my anxiety and pushed past it, and it felt good when I did that. So I keep pushing through my anxiety just so I can show myself I can.